My view on biblical friendships…
Over many years of friendships entering and exiting my life, I’ve come to realize so many different things of what true godly friendship means and looks like. Though I too have also made mistakes, Gods timing and reasoning have always proven to be His will. Our world view can often distort our perspective on how we should be a friend and what defines a true friend. Heres my takeaway on what a true biblical friendship should look like.
The world says you need to be loved and liked by everyone; conform to those around you. But you don’t need to belong everywhere! Friendship isn’t about being accepted by every circle - it’s about walking wisely. “The one who walks with the wise will become wise” (Proverbs 13:20). A few friendships that strengthen your faith and refine your character matter far more than fitting in with everyone. Be intentional with who you are surrounded by. Let your friendships be edifying to who you were called to be. Let them bring you closer to God. If they bring you farther, walk away gracefully with love and understanding. Jesus may have sat at tables with sinners, however He knew no sin.
Never bond over gossip or shared frustration. Conversations that tear others down will eventually turn inward. “A whisperer separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). God-honoring friendships are marked by grace, discretion, and words that build up rather than corrode. Be careful not to entertain gossip. Gossip is often clothed in concern. learn to recognize it. Use graceful redirection in the conversation when needed. Gossip only leads to destruction. Don’t be a part of it!
Speak well of your family within your friendships. How we talk about our husbands (especially this) and children shapes the safety and trust of our relationships. Not just with friends but with the core family unit. Proverbs 31 describes wisdom and kindness on her tongue. Friendships rooted in honor protect both trust and the unity of our homes. Remember God first, family, then friends. Friends that share that same core value and hierarchy, will honor that right alongside of you. Im thankful to have found women in my life that share this same value.
Be the friend you would want in a hard season. I was once taught to ask, “How would I want someone to love me if I were in her place?” Galatians 6:2 calls us to bear one another’s burdens. True mom friendship isn’t just playdates and laughter - it’s prayer, presence, and practical help when life feels heavy. Don’t just ask them how you can help, but rather take action. Send some dinner to their doorstep, buy them a surprise coffee, offer to watch the kids, or just simply being there to listen and pray makes all the difference. Be the kind of friend that will tear a hole in the roof to bring them closer to Gods peace (Mark 2:3-4). Hold tight to the friends who will do the same for you.
Hospitality builds deeper connection than perfection ever could. Opening your home doesn’t require spotless counters or everything perfectly together. “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). Inviting others into your real life - noise and mess included - creates genuine community and authenticity. Honestly this one is a tough one for me - God is working on me. We entertain comparison and feel a lack of sufficiency when it comes to our homes at times. A true friend will not judge the external - they will see your effort at a comfy couch and hot (or iced for me) cup of coffee. With the busyness of this world, this is becoming a lost art. Be intentional about being hospitable.
True friendship is built slowly and faithfully. Trust grows through consistency, not intensity. It’s formed by showing up week after week, checking in when you think of someone, praying when she’s hurting. This is the love described in 1 Corinthians 13:13-steady, patient, enduring. One of my oldest friendships is almost 20 years old. While often it seems like we go too long in-between with visits or conversation. We show each other grace in those moments and we always try to connect in some way or form. We pick right back up where we left off. Grace, patience and understanding need to be consistent. Real friendship takes time and effort and it goes both ways.
Remember not every friendship is meant to last forever. Some are for a season in marriage, motherhood, or even sickness - not a lifetime - and that doesn’t mean they failed. Ecclesiastes reminds us there is a time for every purpose under heaven. Letting go with peace, gratitude, and trust in God’s timing is wisdom. Looking back and friendships that are no longer, I can see how God has orchestrated every path and decision.
Most importantly, pray for discernment before pursuing connection. At times we surround ourselves with the relationships that are not intended by God because we desire friendship. Loneliness should drive us to God first, not just to people. No friend will ever be able to fill the void that first belonged to God. Be prayerful about who you let in your life. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God” (James 1:5). Seek His guidance, and trust Him to lead you toward the right friendships at the right time. He will always fallow through with what is best for you! May your friendships always have God at the center of them.
Yours truly,
Ash
